To Understand
Its around 3:30 in the morning and I'm writing.
To clear my brain from tonight when my parents were fighting.
Death threats and dark secrets were flying and then it got frighting,
As my mom pulled a knife on my dad and then my brother started crying.
The cops came then we all acted sane and began lying.
Denying everything and anything that the cops were justifying.
Soon the cops left and so did my parents, leaving us alone.
My brother asked “What are we going to eat?” I said, “I don't know.”
Our hunger kept growing as I tried to call their phones.
1,000 attempts to connect, but all I got was 1,000 dial tones.
I'm getting used to this, maybe that's why my emotions are rarely shown.
It's to late for a therapist since all the hatefulness infected every single bone.
Is their something I need to atone to? They say God is forgiving. Right?
My cousin said if I start believing in God again, in could shed some insight.
Maybe God just didn't hear me when I bargained with the sky every night.
Or Maybe God is just mad at me for my past, so that's why my parents fight.
For a couple years now I mocked God's name, God's reign, and God's might.
I'm walking in darkness, but hopefully God understands that I'm trying to find the light.
[Hook]
Wasted air spent on people who are curious.
Deaf ears listen to these words of wisdom and experience.
So I hope you are able to listen as best as you can.
I don't need sympathy. Just someone who can understand.
Today, my teacher told me that lately it seemed like I was depressed.
He wouldn't shut up about how I can “trust” him so I just confessed.
He said he was a psychologist and told me that for my age I'm “to” stressed.
That its best to get some rest and seek a therapist to get these burdens off my chest.
I acted nice and thankful and threw his advice along with the rest of the pile.
And instead, try to make last nights and today's events into lyrics that are worthwhile.
At times I wish I had elective amnesia but my brain keeps everything on file.
I know I made the right decisions throughout my life, but maybe I'm just in denial.
Either I burnt bridges, lost connect, or have trust issues I always remain independent.
After all the lies and abandonment I promised myself never to become dependent.
3 heart breaks, 2 failed suicide takes and 1 heart that still needs to be mended.
So many joyful and meaningful times that I felt would last forever, all have ended.
Damn I don't know what do with my future, I don't even have a simple plan.
Right now I'm spiraling out of control, searching for somewhere to land.
It's not like I'm ungrateful, believe me I try to make the best of the worst as best as I can.
But in my life, dead people, fiction characters and a group of strangers are the only one who truly understand.
[Hook]
Wasted air spent on people who are curious.
Deaf ears listen to these words of wisdom and experience.
So I hope you are able to listen as best as you can.
I don't need sympathy. Just someone who can understand.
(2 day piece I've been working on, this is my first attempt on writing a rap song so some feedback on verse length or creating a good hook or anything else would be much appreciated)
Links:
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...754/index.html
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...44#post8297744
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...067/index.html