Death is a Scapegoat

[Dkoi]

Life is fairly simple;
It is death
Often sustained
And awfully painful.

There are a few
That escape life
And coinciding death
And we mourn them.

If we are to do this
Also mourn life
For death is only
The scapegoat.

[Dkoi]

Life is fairly simple, it is death. Oftenly sustained and awfully painful. There are a few that escape life and coinciding death and we mourn them. If we are to do this also mourn life, for death is only the scapegoat.




Would it be considered any less poetic if I wrote in paragraph form, or less enjoyable somehow? I feel writing in paragraph form to be more enjoyable, and conveys my poetry better.

[Mantra]

It reads smoother for the style of writing. Structured into short lines the breaks kind of add an unnecessary rigidness. Instead of a paragraph format maybe just use long lines though and still do breaks after periods. I've seen others use paragraphs and it really doesn't matter one way or the other, but you sometimes get those people who feel like it makes it harder to read. Yours isn't really lengthy though so i suppose it's to your preference.

[Dkoi]

Thanks alot for the opinion..

[Jamhuri]

The prose/poetry debate aside, I really like what you said in this. The near nothing distinction between life and death, and the humorous suggestion that maybe we should mourn in life too.
I dont want to clutter this with my own thoughts on the topic, though.

I think the poetry form does help separate ideas/ thoughts in a way that helps communicate a lot more in a few words/phrases.
Even if you opt for prose, careful use of punctuations goes a long way, and I think you could use some more of that here; especially that first line- the comma technically distorts qualifying nature of the two phrases. A hyphen or colon could perhaps have sufficed.

Good poem. Enjoyed it.

[Dkoi]

Thank you. I have to laugh at myself though - I just realized oftenly is not even a word, lmao..

[Dkoi]

And my point in this poem is basically this - death only exists because we exist. Without us, without our lives there would be no death. Those who escape life and death... I guess they are gone(rest in peace.) Kinda..