some shit i wrote earlier

[T.MONEY]

before i start. i aint really a rapper. i want to be. but i just make beats. heres some shit i wrote in school today...


sittin in math class
waitin on the time to pass
trapped behind rusty school desk metal
i jus wanna leave and pedal
on my bike
yeah thats right a bike
cant drive yet, i aint that far in my life
yall stay seated in ya desks, im goin over ya heads
young van gogh, wont be famous til im dead
or am i picasso, the way i paint pictures
with my verbal scriptures
better bring a dictionary wit cha
or a thesaurus
bark like a dog, bite like tyrannosaurus
the way im doin this
im doin this?
whos doin this?
it cant be me
battled the other night couldnt even beat steve
now im on bar 20, my style is bar none
i aint money hungry, im jus writin this for fun...



yeah i know it sucks. sue me.

[T.MONEY]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...7&postcount=10
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...34&postcount=9

[...Stompin]

lol, atleast you know you suck.. yep this was pretty amaturist and not very good at all but hey, atleast you can poke fun at yourself.. i advise you to look up some work in Om to get a grasp of what this forums really about.. if you just wanna chat shit like you did that has no meaning then you should really be posting this type of stuff in the cypher forum. n'e'ways\peace im out

[pusher]

im seatin on the coner thinking of muder gota com up with some mony for the tax man dame it just semas the futher i run just getin closer to uncul sam

[T.MONEY]

thanks for the feedback renegade.
and um wtf pusher? get yo own thread nigga...

[Vincent Maestro]

this sucked Ass
*elevate please*

[T.MONEY]

i already know it sucks. how can i get better?

[Don Jay]

dat shit aint fuccin succ man. it was ya own style, dont worry bout dem niggas. dey want u to spit sum poetic shit. u was bein yaself which is gud.

[P. Mortuus]

dat shit aint fuccin succ man. it was ya own style, dont worry bout dem niggas. dey want u to spit sum poetic shit. u was bein yaself which is gud.

Every rhyme you spit is raised from poetry. What your basically saying is, "Don't evolve man, cause I'm wack and I can't see another writer get better"

Anyhow, this had some good lines, average like. Don't get to dismayed by some user's comments as your probably on the same level as they are.

Now, next time you write, have a theme or idea in your head....write 2 lines then read them, see if they made sense e.g.

yall stay seated in ya desks, im goin over ya heads
young van gogh, wont be famous til im dead

with a bit of thinking could become

seated behind desks- yearning to learn what I learned
Van Gough like I won't be famous till i'm dead- ashen & burned


^That took me like a minute to change, it may take you longer..but don't get demotivated by the amount of effort you may have to put in.

Anyhow, Stay up^.

[Witty]

Word to Pac.....Don Jay is a fucking idiot, disregard what he said. Keep elevating man, and thanks for following the rules.

[NiNjah Red]

not bad at all ya. flow was tight, rhymes coo, a bit short, and could of expressed more, had a touch of imagery, and some compressed thinking and emotion, also had some good character in the fact that you can joke about yourself,

just think up a deeper plot next time, and construct your bars with a bit more thought.

pz