Deadly Puppy Love.. Part I

[Masahiko.]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show....php?p=1271790
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=120151

Deadly Puppy Love

Grass waved by the wind silence crept in the humble house after the clatter
a young girl in her teens stood waiting... she hears a whimper and laughter
she assums its a a child outside her abode and never worried bout the matter
the stature, the girl was a born leader that was quick no one could catch her
outside her home a kid about 3 or 4 playing with the neighbors from next door
she swept the floor beaming a smile through the window, out past the moor
the kid she adored, but she found out his life was around bloody and gore
she soon stopped talking to the innocent boy but that story has yet to be told
he, young she was old.. assume the possiblities as this particular story unfolds
she had street smarts and stubborn. her ideas were instilled in her head
the thoughts running thick. she never went to the young boy's house again
he was only sixteen no friends his age.. he hung out with older kids instead
his mom was dead as well his father to him because he always off the deep end
he never payed attention to the boy he lived with his foster parents
he tried to love with his father.. but the ego trips.. he couldnt bare it
the girl finished her chores, she looked out the window before she left the room
it was liked the boy was lost.. she couldn't see him nor the man from her view
she looked again from the other window.. and the other and her other
she walked outside still unclean from her chores.. just to find his brother
He asked "hey have you seen my brother anywhere he was here a second ago"
"Yeah I saw him with a man he looked happy.. i saw him about an hour or so"
Days, Weeks gone by. She finnally had the courage to talk to the boy next door again
His brother walked out with a look.. his face...thin....his look he had... was grim
He was missing they put wanted posters everywhere.. on every light post
but the night rose and she wanted to find him.. it was her that chose
she walked down the alley of a nearby street to look for any clue.. or body
as she walked by.. she stared at it.. it was a picture of the boy.. it wasnt a copy
a shadowy figure lunged at the poor girl who thought it was safe
he remained silent until the fate was incased.. he slowly began to state
"i will pull out this pistol not for shame.. for the love that you given me wasnt a waste..
..Your not to blame im too young to fall in love.. but what has happened will stay the same"
.........and the story goes on........

[Illus']

Great concept that was the great part of this drop…
Nice story telling all of that reading hurt my eyes though.

“Days, Weeks gone by. She finally had the courage to talk to the boy next door again
His brother walked out with a look.. his face...thin....his look he had... was grim”


For some reason I liked that line a lot..

Anyways some of your lines were stretched but still was good.
Keep it up I like the concept can’t stressed that enough.
Very unique with it can’t wait for our collaboration

[Masahiko.]

... check out Part II after this......

[Laureate]

Bad place to end...but I can't wait to read part 2. This was realy great Diverged. The emotion and imagry and feeling were excellant. You are very talented....but we already knew that. PLease ure to have you in our crew. Woot! On to part 2

[YJ]

I liked this story alot
the imagry was good yea I cant wait til part 2
peep mine and freelance's collabo

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=120351

[UNDEAD.]

this was actually decent nice read and good topic flow was aight colud of been better vocab was good structure was aight. overall this was tight man keep good shit like this comein. nice

p.s - remember to up our battle ...peace

[Endeva.]

i thought the story was decent... imagery not bad, but the flow wasn't.. your lines are too stretched out.. no pauses, plus youe scheme seemed to drag a bit to me, it wasnt bad, but id flip it round more.... tho it did carry the story good, but not my style, started to bore me towards the end, then theres a part 2... i'll check that out later

[absolutezero]

aight... this was a cool piece... your rhyming was actually pretty simple and i think in some parts, u just added whatever rhymed... but ya still showed nice emotion... parts seemed too simple but still had deepness... cool piece

[Vokal Rights]

this was the best of both parts, i liked this one alot, i liked the rhymes in this one and the flow was a little better good shit keep it tight...

[Masahiko.]

Up It