3 words stuck

[shawty"B"]

he played with my emotions
he also played with chains and guns
to him all he does is just in good fun
no one ever spoke of him
for those who did led lives, grey and grim
no one dare breathe his name
for we knew no one could stand the pain
i was his girl
when i was near him my heart used to twirl
i always used to think he would be mine
we'd go out and talk, while sipping on wine
taking walks on the beach, our way lit by pure moon-shine
thats exactly how we started
he would tell me that we'd never be parted
no one (i thought) could have me carded
we had fights
some lasting through the long and cold nights
we always made up, i kept thinkin we'd still be tight
but one night he went too far
i walked in and he was callin someone else his baby
so i took his baby...
i took the car
i figured one baby wont hurt you
the car and i went for a ride...
i had a plan that your soon to find
i had three words stuck inside my mind
now i did what i almost intended to do
i crashed the car
the mistake was... the car took me too...
The next day i was all over the news
the three wors were delivered in white flowers
"I forgive you"

[shawty"B"]

...not feelin loved
can sum1 pleez say sumn

[shawty"B"]

uppin...
will sum1 pleez gimmie sum feedback

[Maven.]

he delivered the "I Forgive You" message to you funeral? jesus, what a cunt.
anyways, this was a nice story. your feelings were understandable...it was as if you loved him so much that you wanted to get back at him.
the only thign i can suggest is to work on your wording...sometimes you used rhyming, and sometimes you didn't, so it really didn't work out very well. Either always use rhymes or don't bother.
Good story though.

[Bloom.Quist]

Yes i like it. Showed ure emotion and how u truly feel. Only critism i would say is maybe the flow of it. But poetry is good and differnt in different ways. Props.

!holla if ya hear me

[shawty"B"]

no i didnt deliver the massage to my funeral...it was delivered to his house.... on a card.... that was inside white flowers...... the part that i 4got 2 put in was that there was 13 flowers....a dozen carnations or sumn... and a single white rose

thnx 4 tha replys tho

[Marek]

this poem was decent, like maven said...only thing i would consider you working on is your,
word usage and re-wording things.
that's the only major flaw in this poem. dont get me wrong it was a nice poem, its just that i fell off,
in places. you know what im sayin. anyways, just work on the wording and it will be straight.

return the favor

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=118387

one!

[Key Tone]

U should write from yo heart instead of tryin to make it rhyme.....na'mean...poetry is not like freestylin....but i think this was nice drop overall

show some love back........

[shawty"B"]

...this was a 5 minit job that i did instead of watchin sum gay movie in englishbout an hour n a haf after i woke up... mayb its just me but i think this is pretty gud 4 only bein half awake...

....bless

[shawty"B"]

ok i only want a few more replies 2 this poem...pleez!!