Why?

[Deceit]

As I close my eyes, embrace my end,
Questions, my spilt blood to my mind lend,
Why I lived afraid and now see crystal clear,
How my Requiem plays, inevitable fear,

A life does flash before my dying eyes,
This life, however, is not mine, it lies,
As I pass to the dark, I simply cry
I have never answered my question 'Why?'

My breath wasted on breathing lies,
Though ambitious, I lost sight of goals to rise,
Now goals to fall, yet falling seems high,
And rising seems low, with my last breath,
I simply ask 'Why'?

[Deceit]

So what do you think? I guess I was in a 'questioning' mood......

[Carmine]

Wasting your time asking why is stupid becuase instead of asking why just go with the flow live life don't worry about why..Who cares you'll never know why it's on the only question ppl can't answer it's the question that ppl look at too closely....

It was good !!

[Deceit]

Go with the flow, huh? Now, that was what i used to think, then something amazing happened, i tried to 'think'!!
Have you ver done that before? What's the point in just 'living'?
Trailer park residents, idiots and people who make no difference to the world just 'live'!
We have brains for a reason...
I want to be, and to be i have to think, to think therefore i am, 'Why' don't you 'think' about that?

[Deceit]

Any other comments?

[Bounce]

I too have been in pursuit of the answers, I have found out more about life and myself in this pursuit. It's human nature to question our existance, but it's no in our social nature. At least not in the time we live, with schools only teaching Darwins theory of evolution, we have adopted this concept as reality. I am speaking in a general sense, because that is not true for me, I challaged that from day one. In my studies I have found several inspiring details into our creation, purpose and being. It has made a huge impact in my life, and I govern my life based those experences and faith. Keep thinking and those who tell you other wise have just fallen into the deepths of my personal hell, a life without the abilty to think or believe outside of written law. That's my hell, but I am not there, so I am intrugued by your piece. I suggest you check out the does god exist form in the emcee interaction thread, it had pages of intelligent information and discusions, not just on od, but life in general. Peace and keep filling yourself with knowledgem it's the only thing that set's us apart from the other species. Read what spliviticus and I have contributed to that thread, you might be supprised at what you find...

[Carmine]

Wow....lol anyways U obviously think too much~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[Deceit]

I do think too much, i wish i didn't...

[Ajax 0042]

i agree wih bounce but we here to elevate so im gonna leave u something to help u ta do the
flow it was good but way to short ud get alot more respect if it was longer and had more emotion it had structure but it was lacking creativity and complexity it did have some emotion but not nearly enough ur vocab was weak too it needs to b up a notch if ya dfo tha modifyin in ur next piece it will b a work

[Content]

Why I lived afraid and now see crystal clear,
How my Requiem plays, inevitable fear,

~Wonderful Use Of Words From The Start~

Overall This Was Fine...Gods The Everlasting
Puppet Master Pulling Our Strings And Things
Will Work Out In The n Somehow Someway...
And Its Good That You Actually Take The Time
To Bring Forth Something Thought Provoking..
I Have Mad Respect For That...It Certainly
Doset Hurt To Think For A Minute....

We Are Here To Elevate Our Peers And Ourselves
And If Someone Has A Problem They Can Go To Open
Mic And Get Simpleminded Or Lazy Replies That Arent
Helpful To Those That Would Like To Be Better

This Was Good....If You Ever Reply To Anything Of
Mine Im Not Expecting A Full Length Reply Ever....
Neither Is Bounce Or Anyone Who Is Attempting
To Help Elevate Others With Consructive Criticism

Very Nice Peace..Peace

[Deceit]

Thanks for the insight, I'll work on it.........

[Tourniquet]

I thought this was good, and despite what some of the other comments here say, the simplicity was one of the draw cards. I felt like, I had come to the end of my life and the simple realisation that I had unfinished business, and unanswered questions, that somewhere along the lines I had misplaced, or simply assumed I could put them off until a later date...
Certain lines have an Elizabethen Prose about them, which I personally always love, as when appropriate, it can add to the drama of the piece, with a touch of classical writing.

And one last thing, I dont mean to insult anyone here, but reading advice regarding Deceit's use of vocab, from someone who writes in such a manner, is rather amusing.. And lacking creativity? From someone who stipulates that it needs to be longer to gain respect? I think you are the one lacking creativity, as you have it in your mind that poetry has to be written a certain way to be accepted. Free your mind, poetry is art, poetry is escape, there are no rules, you are only limiting your own abilities in believing there are.

Regards.

[Deceit]

Now that was what i was hoping for, thanks for the insight, you got the idea down exactly, everything you said was what i wanted, i have to compliment your talent to read poetry as the author would have imagined, but through your own eyes still.
The 'lack' of vocab, i mean to pur it simply and literally, if you're dying and mentally writing your last words, you don't think or need vocab, though i understand that could help. I also wanted the simplicity to show the simplicity of life and death and how we complicate things only because we are afraid to realiese the possibility that life is just a means to an end...
...Thanks again Tourniquet, and i'm looking forward to seeing some of your own poetry...Any more comments?

[Varentao]

Indeed. Questions are what help us evolve (both individually, and collectively)..

But also can be quite maddening.

And that can therefore cover the basic simple questions with unecessarily complex ones. Making digging for the truth much harder to find. Like mining for diamonds in Antartica (as one extreme!)...

..nicely done piece. Laying out your emotions and thoughts in a short piece. A kind of vent, though not the more conventional type.

...resp..

[Tourniquet]

Originally posted by Deceit
I also wanted the simplicity to show the simplicity of life and death and how we complicate things only because we are afraid to realiese the possibility that life is just a means to an end...

Ahh Im with ya on this one, Ive got a piece I wrote years ago that is spot-on with this philosophy

Regards~