Brandon Cee vs. Cognition - OPEN FOR VOTES

[Brandon Cee]

Topic: Song Lyrics

"It's only in uncertainty that we're naked and alive." - Peter Gabriel, That Voice Again

Rules and Regulations

Please note the due times in the rules. Be on time, and as always, good luck!

[Mr. Black]

soo... both of these? or choose between the quote or the topic?

[Brandon Cee]

check.

no sir, the quote is the topic. it is the SONG LYRIC.

[Brandon Cee]

Ext. Thanks.

[Mr. Black]

“Broomstick Barfly”

yo -

.
.

i will always remember; always try to forget,
the world molding itself around my silent regrets ..

“growing up” is paradoxical - a spiraled descent,
we breathe original sin, and only stay alive to repent.
age five is the best. although we only yearn to mature ,
our clearest years before toxicity, this permanent blur
the surface was pure, guarded from corrupted design,
mountains were never molehills, only something to climb -
before voluptuous dimes. before physicians and lawyers -
now, you're only what your resume convinces employers.
He who fixes the boilers at this hole-in-the-wall,
once studied theology with the Pope in Milan;
you'd see lines that spanned creation if he opened his palm,
a solider of God, entrapped in this custodial bond ..
if you ask an average man, his path was hopelessly flawed
& the road he travelled down in life was totally wrong.

insignificant mutations, wicked, primitive lives
governed solely on survival and instinctual drives -
life is labor, cash rules, passing minutes are time ,
forced to follow the fluorescents in our digital minds.
it's easy money, game shows, grand magnificent prize,
it's collective, individual, political sides;
chicken-scratches on a calendar 'til systems align,
one thought is every human's last decision, combined.
these invisible ties direct the tracks we're driven to ride,
it's only right to sympathize when someone innocent dies.
it's a mystery, thriving on subjective approaches
unravelling that velvet thread of delicate gnosis,
petals of roses echoing synthetic erosions,
portable pendulums promote incessant hypnosis
Armageddon's explosions, born as telescopic displacement
that underwent electric transfer modification.
anxiety-to-mankind operates as doctor-to-patient
tells us when to cry and when to calmly embrace it.
questions locked in a basement, follow blindly, succeed -
answers past the realm of sight .. simply try to believe.

it's right to be free. this fact i'll take to the tomb,
til i'm naked in the blankets of an alien womb ..
i've never been too certain, never safely assumed
that anything is clear beneath these radiant fumes.
if i told you i was born upon the face of the moon,
& you spread the word - it doesn't mean my statement is true!
alas, our visit on this planet is dictated, consumed
by higher powers humming the creationist blues,
and government officials that deflated balloons,
to replace elated hopes & dreams with daily pursuits ..
born conformed into manipulation's labia grooves,
born a God, born a janitor, a slave with a broom.

so happy as he sweeps the floor, this nameless buffoon
while i sit and spend my money in this vacant saloon.
wondering why none of it is making me swoon,
still sober as a judge, still fucking angry at YOU.
you raised me to do whatever others requested,
just cover all our assets so the budget's protected.
all grown up now - a wealthy, walking lump of depression ,
one is only what his parents did to punish aggression.
subtle repression, memories that mirror it perfectly -
my life is merely a reflection of my fear of uncertainty.
each year, for eternity, i'd watch this janitor mop
knowing right or wrong is nowhere close to happy or not.

"It's only in uncertainty that we're naked and alive."

- Peter Gabriel

- Black

[Brandon Cee]

editing here

[Brandon Cee]

What is Mankind?

Time's an anomaly - life's defined by the signs of astrology
Days will often weep, but nights are silver-lined with apologies
Now, the offering's a novelty, that's offering a mockery
While they're stuck hanging in the balance like apostrophes

[THE BEGINNING]

With the canvas prepared, you could smell them fumes from afar
The sky was chosen to start - followed by the sun, moon and the stars
As soon as the tides rolled, I'm told that's where his life popped
Quite shocked - the Heavens spoke as his eyes locked on the livestock
Why stop? He cried on the ground and the creator said, "RISE STALK"
And I've thought nothing of the rest, but I'll give you what I've got
Man was alone - depressed and destined to stay dumb like a stone
He asked for a companion with the same skin and blood as his own
So his rib was taken out, I would say that it was madness (as shown)
But this did happen, succumb to the passages - it has to be known
The creator made it so, no doubt that the rules had been given
Picture perfect, sacred memories - the fruit was forbidden
They called her woman, she was blooming from the side of his flesh
He was entranced and I could tell from every sigh in his breath
But the trap had been designed, nothing more than irony met
She became the reason for his treason, there wasn't likely a catch
Enticed, he was deep, she took him where the ivy would sleep
And asked him to defy the only promise that he was trying to keep
He denied her, she kept prying - swear that he retired at "please"
Desire, her smile fueled the flames and spread the fire with ease
But mistakes come back to haunt you, they could finally see...
...that everything has a price, there's nothing likely for free
So they were both cast-out, followed by a slithery serpent...
...who had been there since the beginning with no history? PERFECT!

[PRESENT DAY]

Sure as the planet spins, it's inhabitants damage the surface
Practice makes perfect, but these humans have a laughable purpose
It's a disaster how they've mastered the whole cannibal circuit...
...the world is full of nutrients, they don't have to unearth it
The salt of the earth? I'll be the jerk - "they're misinformed"
If anyone digs, it's probably the dirt, looking where the crystals form
A brittle boulder of waste, no colder a place; little warmth...
...which hits the shores of every country while the missiles swarm
So the distance keeps them out, but they'll continue to fight
Give you the knife to kill soldiers, just to say they "give you a life"
Preview the lights, in the darkness, it's trust that you undo
And love is a just view for things you don't currently hate enough, true?
This must prove it, some people find it hurtful to mention
But there's no menace to society, society is your personal menace
Virtual wreckage still does damage, your brain's seeing it clear...
...and if these are years the creator gave you, who needs him in here?
I find his existence is repulsive - he's the single reason I sneer...
...look at the death and disease, it's like a never-ending season of fear
So follow me to the chariots, this nuisance, let's bury "Him"
Stick and stones...NO - let's hang him from the rope of Judas Iscariot
If he dies before I wake, I'm still the purpose for alot of your drive
Sin has been here - and no matter what happens I will always survive!

Mankind is a sin.

SIDENOTE: Lilypads <3

[Str8 JackIt]

Brandon Cee

With the canvas prepared, you could smell them fumes from afar
The sky was chosen to start - followed by the sun, moon and the stars
As soon as the tides rolled, I'm told that's where his life popped
Quite shocked - the Heavens spoke as his eyes locked on the livestock
Why stop? He cried on the ground and the creator said, "RISE STALK"
And I've thought nothing of the rest, but I'll give you what I've got
Man was alone - depressed and destined to stay dumb like a stone
He asked for a companion with the same skin and blood as his own
So his rib was taken out, I would say that it was madness (as shown)
But this did happen, succumb to the passages - it has to be known
The creator made it so, no doubt that the rules had been given
Picture perfect, sacred memories - the fruit was forbidden
They called her woman, she was blooming from the side of his flesh
He was entranced and I could tell from every sigh in his breath
But the trap had been designed, nothing more than irony met
She became the reason for his treason, there wasn't likely a catch
Enticed, he was deep, she took him where the ivy would sleep
And asked him to defy the only promise that he was trying to keep
He denied her, she kept prying - swear that he retired at "please"
Desire, her smile fueled the flames and spread the fire with ease
But mistakes come back to haunt you, they could finally see...
...that everything has a price, there's nothing likely for free
So they were both cast-out, followed by a slithery serpent...
...who had been there since the beginning with no history? PERFECT!

this was the best part of your entire piece, this whole portion, flow and imagery was there.....i believe you feel off from the high that this had by your second portion...i felt the emotion/content just wasn't as strong...the present day kinda skipped around a lil too much...i was hoping you'd of stayed more towards the religious end since that what your entire first half was based on...either way...it was good, just not what i was looking for, that oculd've toppled blacks drop.

Mr. Black

“growing up” is paradoxical - a spiraled descent,
we breathe original sin, and only stay alive to repent.
age five is the best. although we only yearn to mature ,
our clearest years before toxicity, this permanent blur
the surface was pure, guarded from corrupted design,
mountains were never molehills, only something to climb -
before voluptuous dimes. before physicians and lawyers -
now, you're only what your resume convinces employers.

felt this was a good open, nice flow and imagery with magnetic content to lure the reader

it's right to be free. this fact i'll take to the tomb,
til i'm naked in the blankets of an alien womb ..
i've never been too certain, never safely assumed
that anything is clear beneath these radiant fumes.

- nice

so happy as he sweeps the floor, this nameless buffoon
while i sit and spend my money in this vacant saloon.
wondering why none of it is making me swoon,
still sober as a judge, still fucking angry at YOU.
you raised me to do whatever others requested,
just cover all our assets so the budget's protected.
all grown up now - a wealthy, walking lump of depression ,
one is only what his parents did to punish aggression.
subtle repression, memories that mirror it perfectly -
my life is merely a reflection of my fear of uncertainty.
each year, for eternity, i'd watch this janitor mop
knowing right or wrong is nowhere close to happy or not.

i honestly believe that this portion stole the show for you black....great content/imagery/EMoTION/and flow....i think yours was just overall more consistent in all categories....better vocab usage...just a better prepared and executed piece....



vote = Mr. Black

[Mr. Black]

ill be voting tonight.... got a 12 hour day ahead of me first

fuckkkk

[trajik]

Black: This was a great piece, lots of multis running through it, creating a smooth flow, as well as making it an enjoyable read, a more complex rhyme scheme always makes the read more enjoyable for me. This piece had a plethora of very vivid imagery, which was great to read too. Nice vocabulary strength and overall great word choices made throughout. It kept my attention the entire read through, great concept used, for the most part, very relatable. Good writing Black.

Brandon: First, lilypads, lmao. This piece was awesome, the rhyme scheme had lots of multis and even mote internals, I really liked the complexity of this rhyme scheme without the sacrifice of content. Fantastic flow here created a smooth read. Good vocabulary and damn near flawless word choices creating a smooth read without stumbling across words or having to reread lines other than "wow, I need to read that line again, that was sick." Very vivid imagery to go with your great concept, I really enjoyed this read, i was hooked from beginning and the content compelled me to the very end.

Vote: You bastards are making this hard, literally, these piece were so good I got turned on. If this battle was a chick, I'd fuck it but finish reeeally quick because shed be super hot. Anyways, your writing seems on par with each other, you both had great concepts and executed them very well. I'm going to have to go with preference here. Brandon's concept I liked slightly better and I enjoyed the fact that he had more internals than Black, or atleast that I caught. Great fucking battle guys.

Brandon

[Express'on]

What is Mankind?

Time's an anomaly - life's defined by the signs of astrology
Days will often weep, but nights are silver-lined with apologies
Now, the offering's a novelty, that's offering a mockery
While they're stuck hanging in the balance like apostrophes

Good beginning, I don't really understand who the "they're" is...
maybe it will reveal itself. *edit-Mankind..okkk (in a racist tone...lol)
[THE BEGINNING]

With the canvas prepared, you could smell them fumes from afar
The sky was chosen to start - followed by the sun, moon and the stars
As soon as the tides rolled, I'm told that's where his life popped
Quite shocked - the Heavens spoke as his eyes locked on the livestock

I like the creationism tone, as well as order you used here..."livestock" is a questionable word considering fish are quite described like that

Why stop? He cried on the ground and the creator said, "RISE STALK"
And I've thought nothing of the rest, but I'll give you what I've got
Man was alone - depressed and destined to stay dumb like a stone
He asked for a companion with the same skin and blood as his own
So his rib was taken out, I would say that it was madness (as shown)
But this did happen, succumb to the passages - it has to be known

A little uneven tone...very lateral thought...I would like to see a more creative concept, rather than bible school...ya dig

The creator made it so, no doubt that the rules had been given
Picture perfect, sacred memories - the fruit was forbidden
They called her woman, she was blooming from the side of his flesh
He was entranced and I could tell from every sigh in his breath
But the trap had been designed, nothing more than irony met
She became the reason for his treason, there wasn't likely a catch
Enticed, he was deep, she took him where the ivy would sleep
And asked him to defy the only promise that he was trying to keep
He denied her, she kept prying - swear that he retired at "please"
Desire, her smile fueled the flames and spread the fire with ease

I like the storytelling ability, very fitting, however the scheme in my opinion is just way to generic and the story is/has been overly used...i would like to see some creative angles and some metas to add a little more complex

But mistakes come back to haunt you, they could finally see...
...that everything has a price, there's nothing likely for free
So they were both cast-out, followed by a slithery serpent...
...who had been there since the beginning with no history? PERFECT!

Again...the same monoconstructed scheme and idk imo its just not engaging...especially because Im not very religious

[PRESENT DAY]

Sure as the planet spins, it's inhabitants damage the surface
Practice makes perfect, but these humans have a laughable purpose
It's a disaster how they've mastered the whole cannibal circuit...
...the world is full of nutrients, they don't have to unearth it

This is what I was looking for...very nice scheme and delivery...the complexity is there, and easily internalized...

The salt of the earth? I'll be the jerk - "they're misinformed"
If anyone digs, it's probably the dirt, looking where the crystals form
A brittle boulder of waste, no colder a place; little warmth...
...which hits the shores of every country while the missiles swarm

ehh...form/disform...warmth/swarm...really not the best rhymes here...I think it was amplified by the lack of internals...

So the distance keeps them out, but they'll continue to fight
Give you the knife to kill soldiers, just to say they "give you a life"
Preview the lights, in the darkness, it's trust that you undo
And love is a just view for things you don't currently hate enough, true?

You seem to have went into an intellectual questionaire...its not bad tho...

This must prove it, some people find it hurtful to mention
But there's no menace to society, society is your personal menace
Virtual wreckage still does damage, your brain's seeing it clear...
...and if these are years the creator gave you, who needs him in here?
I find his existence is repulsive - he's the single reason I sneer...
...look at the death and disease, it's like a never-ending season of fear
So follow me to the chariots, this nuisance, let's bury "Him"
Stick and stones...NO - let's hang him from the rope of Judas Iscariot
If he dies before I wake, I'm still the purpose for alot of your drive
Sin has been here - and no matter what happens I will always survive!

Mankind is a sin.

Ok end...I like the contorted "common saying" (sticks n stones) however i do not think the end was very strong honestly...

Overall this was a cool narrative...I am unimpressed however with the lack of complexity...I think at this level especially knowing the range of your opponent that you played this really safe. Still very good writing, Im just nit picking but for what this is it is good.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
i will always remember; always try to forget,
the world molding itself around my silent regrets ..

“growing up” is paradoxical - a spiraled descent,
we breathe original sin, and only stay alive to repent.
age five is the best. although we only yearn to mature ,
our clearest years before toxicity, this permanent blur
the surface was pure, guarded from corrupted design,
mountains were never molehills, only something to climb -

One thing I like about the start of this is the conflict within each line (most) (sin/repent, age five/mature, pure/corrupted) really well articulated

before voluptuous dimes. before physicians and lawyers -
now, you're only what your resume convinces employers.
He who fixes the boilers at this hole-in-the-wall,
once studied theology with the Pope in Milan;

I dont get that last line at all...I am going to record that as filler...as well as the one on top of it...I like the 2nd line though I dont see anything building here...

you'd see lines that spanned creation if he opened his palm,
a solider of God, entrapped in this custodial bond ..
if you ask an average man, his path was hopelessly flawed
& the road he travelled down in life was totally wrong.

nice...everything meshed really well here. I think that you have a good way of wording things...however the concept in my opinion is stagnant.

insignificant mutations, wicked, primitive lives
governed solely on survival and instinctual drives -
life is labor, cash rules, passing minutes are time ,
forced to follow the fluorescents in our digital minds.

This sounds really similar for some reason I just think the "digital minds" is really cliche now...I still like the wording though.

it's easy money, game shows, grand magnificent prize,
it's collective, individual, political sides;
chicken-scratches on a calendar 'til systems align,
one thought is every human's last decision, combined.
these invisible ties direct the tracks we're driven to ride,
it's only right to sympathize when someone innocent dies.

The first 2 bars ehh...the transition is nice to the next one...I think your style is really unique to you almost a poetic feel with a jab of great wording...though I think, sometimes it loses track like the 2nd line where the words really didnt mesh well.

it's a mystery, thriving on subjective approaches
unravelling that velvet thread of delicate gnosis,
petals of roses echoing synthetic erosions,
portable pendulums promote incessant hypnosis
Armageddon's explosions, born as telescopic displacement
that underwent electric transfer modification.
anxiety-to-mankind operates as doctor-to-patient
tells us when to cry and when to calmly embrace it.
questions locked in a basement, follow blindly, succeed -
answers past the realm of sight .. simply try to believe.

Really nice (bolded sec. was a gem) the rest was ok...really stagnant imo, I dont see a greater metaphor shaping, nor a great narrative, its just imo random segment strewn throughout this piece...or thats how I feel right now.

it's right to be free. this fact i'll take to the tomb,
til i'm naked in the blankets of an alien womb ..
i've never been too certain, never safely assumed
that anything is clear beneath these radiant fumes.
if i told you i was born upon the face of the moon,
& you spread the word - it doesn't mean my statement is true

still you have very sound mechanics, howevre its the point of where are your going? or what are you getting at?...

alas, our visit on this planet is dictated, consumed
by higher powers humming the creationist blues,
and government officials that deflated balloons,
to replace elated hopes & dreams with daily pursuits ..
born conformed into manipulation's labia grooves,
born a God, born a janitor, a slave with a broom.

I like this...maybe Im seeing something that I was missing before this point. the last 3 lines were really strong.

so happy as he sweeps the floor, this nameless buffoon
while i sit and spend my money in this vacant saloon.
wondering why none of it is making me swoon,
still sober as a judge, still fucking angry at YOU.
you raised me to do whatever others requested,
just cover all our assets so the budget's protected.
all grown up now - a wealthy, walking lump of depression ,
one is only what his parents did to punish aggression.
subtle repression, memories that mirror it perfectly -
my life is merely a reflection of my fear of uncertainty.
each year, for eternity, i'd watch this janitor mop
knowing right or wrong is nowhere close to happy or not.

Decent ending nothing over the top, I dont really think all the loose ends were tied and there is a a lack of definitive concept development.

Overall, I think this wasn't the greatest execution as far as concept delivery is concerned. However I think that your mechanics are spot on and you have some great individual lines. However as a complete piece I dont think this was that good honestly...

Vote Brandon for a well developed narrative...I honestly didnt think I would have voted for his after I read it, but I feel he did the best job in maintaining a consistent storyline. It was also much easy considering the likeness of both of these pieces.
I wished some one would have stepped further out of the box.

nice write both

[Vinzr]

Black - What a great piece. I thought the most enjoyable part and what I most liked about your piece was the flow...that wasn't the only impressive thing though. I really liked the whole transition and development throughout the piece, it was awesome. My favourite part would probably have to be the start, I just loved the way you kicked off the piece and introduced everything and the way you took that creative path in the rest of the verse. Great job dude.

Brandon Cee - I really expected some dope stuff from you this week and you delivered. You brought the whole bunch...vocab, flow, word choice, imagery, metaphors, rhyme scheme. You verse was probably near flaw-less if you ask me. You also gave the piece a creative touch with the concept. Great job here man, really.

I thought this was close but tbh I thought what Black brought here, Brandon just brought it slightly better. By no means did Brandon deliver better in every category but I thought his piece definitely outweighed Black's by probably only a gram at most. I really take my hat off to both writers though because they really delivered here and both produced a dope verse.

v/ Brandon Cee

[oatmeal]

Black:

this has all the signs of a classic Black verse - the steady rhythm, strong multi's, and an original concept given flesh by stand-out individual lines. It was dope. I think the storyline of this pious janitor, who chose a happy simple life instead of the political/religious tug-of-war as a Catholic leader was an interesting approach to the lyric. Though you could have perhaps lingered here a little longer, this was what really connected the dots for me:

He who fixes the boilers at this hole-in-the-wall,
once studied theology with the Pope in Milan;
you'd see lines that spanned creation if he opened his palm,
a solider of God, entrapped in this custodial bond ..
if you ask an average man, his path was hopelessly flawed
& the road he travelled down in life was totally wrong.

uncertainty is riddled throughout this man's life. he was uncertain about his life as a Cardinal, and must have felt uncertain to leave that future in exchange for a mop, but ultimately that uncertainty led him to his ultimate happiness. This was such a great image to follow-up the opening 8 lines, where you utilized your "lilypad" skills to depict such a delicate emotional nostalgia trip that was presented intellectually. The opening chunk was top notch (particularly enjoyed the physicians and lawyers/convinces employers bar as well as the "lines that spanned creation" image).

you went on the juxtapose this with the idea of death, which I thought was well-conceived for the subject matter. these decisions - to Pope or to mop - are that much more meaningful in light of our mortality.

insignificant mutations, wicked, primitive lives
governed solely on survival and instinctual drives -
life is labor, cash rules, passing minutes are time ,
forced to follow the fluorescents in our digital minds.
it's easy money, game shows, grand magnificent prize,
it's collective, individual, political sides;
chicken-scratches on a calendar 'til systems align,
one thought is every human's last decision, combined.

fuck, that bolded line gave me goosebumps, on some Homi Bhabha shit. Going back to how perfectly bliss childhood is, this was a great contrast to the bells and whistles of adult life. Life's a bitch and then you die.


but of course, we are programmed to accept busywork that keeps us safe and stagnant. I liked the statement is true line, thought it was a clever analogy for how social norms have us forsake the freedom to choose. No matter how many times I'm told what will make me happy, or who tells me, it doesn't mean anything. I'm the only one who makes that decision. And the only way to tell if you made a "wrong" decision is by your happiness.

it's right to be free. this fact i'll take to the tomb,
til i'm naked in the blankets of an alien womb ..
i've never been too certain, never safely assumed
that anything is clear beneath these radiant fumes.
if i told you i was born upon the face of the moon,
& you spread the word - it doesn't mean my statement is true!
alas, our visit on this planet is dictated, consumed
by higher powers humming the creationist blues,
and government officials that deflated balloons,
to replace elated hopes & dreams with daily pursuits ..
born conformed into manipulation's labia grooves,
born a God, born a janitor, a slave with a broom.

this was dope, especially liked that bolded bar. there's no room for dreamers in a machine, just play your part.

now, I actually liked how you took a leave of absence from the janitor storyline, helped the pacing out. it also fleshed out the metaphorical dilemma represented by the janitor.

all grown up now - a wealthy, walking lump of depression ,
one is only what his parents did to punish aggression.
subtle repression, memories that mirror it perfectly -
my life is merely a reflection of my fear of uncertainty.
each year, for eternity, i'd watch this janitor mop
knowing right or wrong is nowhere close to happy or not.

some real gems here when you bring us back. I like how you have these "simplifying" statements, which I bolded. It's like you paint this backdrop that is vivid and effective, but always punctuate it with these types of "but it all boils down to this" kind of line, and I think that structure works well for you. it makes your writing neat, and also gives you room to buildup to some top-shelf lines.


Overall, just another day at the office for you this playoffs, dropping an awesome piece. What I have yet to touch on, though, is the sense of narrative completion we get, despite nothing actually happening. That's impressive. On the literal layer of the story, the narrator observes a janitor mop happily, and that's it. This was a great display of skill and knowledge. I'm looking for something to pick apart, and the only thing I can find is that it felt you lost sight of the literal layer in the middle there, and it could have been a neater metaphor for happiness at the expense of comfort/certainty if we were anchored to it just a little more. But again, for me I had no issues holding onto it, and as I said thought that it helped the pace of the verse.



Brandon:

aite Brando, about time I get to voting on your verse! this was dope, though, I enjoyed it a lot. I think the imagery of Eden was a great approach to use for the song lyric, with the realization of their own nudity being the result of sin, a state of being embodied by mankind. I thought it fit well, and you executed the concept seamlessly.

you started by outlining the contradictions of humanity - the tides of larger powers that we're left to sway in. I thought the content in the first 4 lines was dope, but I had some clarity issues with pronouns tbh, and I had to read it a number of times to see exactly who was hanging in the balance nah mean? Pretty minor offense, though.

I liked the beginning section a lot, and it worked well to preface the assertions you make later. There were a few times that I thought the rhyming felt a bit contrived (rise stalk and madness as shown) but the rest was clean as ever. I really loved the image of Adam pleading with Eve to stop tempting him, which of course led to them being cast out of the garden. His loneliness was his weakness, and it became our curse as a species. It was an original way to tell a familiar tale, and you did so with a purpose that would be revealed in the next section. It was a great way to move the piece forward conceptually, as it provided a dope comparison with the present day existence of man.

The creator made it so, no doubt that the rules had been given
Picture perfect, sacred memories - the fruit was forbidden
They called her woman, she was blooming from the side of his flesh
He was entranced and I could tell from every sigh in his breath
But the trap had been designed, nothing more than irony met
She became the reason for his treason, there wasn't likely a catch
Enticed, he was deep, she took him where the ivy would sleep
And asked him to defy the only promise that he was trying to keep
He denied her, she kept prying - swear that he retired at "please"
Desire, her smile fueled the flames and spread the fire with ease
But mistakes come back to haunt you, they could finally see...
...that everything has a price, there's nothing likely for free
So they were both cast-out, followed by a slithery serpent...
...who had been there since the beginning with no history? PERFECT!

This whole last part was siiiiick. only hiccup I thought was the "hate enough, true?" line, which again felt a bit unnatural. Other than that, I took this as a reveal that Sin is the narrator, making the relationship between the narration and the perspective of man that much more interesting, because it flips our conceptions on their heads. Generally, we think of sin being the creation of our mistakes (Adam and Eve's original sin), but with the mentioning of the serpent as well as the final line, we realize that man didn't create sin, sin created man in his own image. This was a dope concept, because the implications of a sinful God are huge. A couple of standout lines here, particularly the salt/dirt line and the society being our menace (I'm a sucker for those turns of phrases). You really slammed this final verse home, and the conceptual parallels between this and the first part made the first section better.

Sure as the planet spins, it's inhabitants damage the surface
Practice makes perfect, but these humans have a laughable purpose
It's a disaster how they've mastered the whole cannibal circuit...
...the world is full of nutrients, they don't have to unearth it
The salt of the earth? I'll be the jerk - "they're misinformed"
If anyone digs, it's probably the dirt, looking where the crystals form
A brittle boulder of waste, no colder a place; little warmth...
...which hits the shores of every country while the missiles swarm
So the distance keeps them out, but they'll continue to fight
Give you the knife to kill soldiers, just to say they "give you a life"
Preview the lights, in the darkness, it's trust that you undo
And love is a just view for things you don't currently hate enough, true?
This must prove it, some people find it hurtful to mention
But there's no menace to society, society is your personal menace
Virtual wreckage still does damage, your brain's seeing it clear...
...and if these are years the creator gave you, who needs him in here?
I find his existence is repulsive - he's the single reason I sneer...
...look at the death and disease, it's like a never-ending season of fear
So follow me to the chariots, this nuisance, let's bury "Him"
Stick and stones...NO - let's hang him from the rope of Judas Iscariot
If he dies before I wake, I'm still the purpose for alot of your drive
Sin has been here - and no matter what happens I will always survive!

Overall, this was one of your dopest concepts imo, and again the execution was near flawless. There were a handful of mechanical bumps that I mentioned, but other than that there was really nothing for me to pick at.


Vote: This is really hard (pause). I think Brandon edged it conceptually, but I think Black edged it mechanically, though both were sterling in both categories. The differences are negligible. This is definitely one of the closest matches I've had to vote on all season, at least that I can remember, and ultimately what it comes down to is preference. I'm gonna have to go ahead and give this to Black. The reason why he's so tough to beat in my eyes is that he constructs these tight-knit metaphors, but also adorns them with plenty of individual lines that are just incredible, and in this case, he had a few more of those standout lines than Brandon. It sucks, cuz it really wasn't so much a flaw in Brandon's verse as it was a strength in Black's that wasn't quite met. Again, amazing battle to both of you, I really enjoyed it from top to bottom.

[Token]

apologies ahead of time for the lack of depth, i'm stressed for time but promised i'd vote

Black: Right off the bat I was intrigued, absolutely amazing start content wise with a strong flow to keep the read natural. I knew right away you were gonna bring it here. Your context was just as original as your concept which paired up to be quite a solid combo. I thoroughly enjoyed every single line in this piece, and that says alot coming from me.

it's right to be free. this fact i'll take to the tomb,
til i'm naked in the blankets of an alien womb ..
i've never been too certain, never safely assumed
that anything is clear beneath these radiant fumes.
if i told you i was born upon the face of the moon,
& you spread the word - it doesn't mean my statement is true!
alas, our visit on this planet is dictated, consumed
by higher powers humming the creationist blues,
and government officials that deflated balloons,
to replace elated hopes & dreams with daily pursuits ..
born conformed into manipulation's labia grooves,
born a God, born a janitor, a slave with a broom.

Flawless.

Brandon: Just as expected, you opened up with the trademark cee-flow etching extra meanings amongst simplicity. Your rhyme scheme was great, but I do however feel (and this is a MASSIVELY small nitpick) that your flow was determining the direction your story was taking. By no means is that a complaint, more so an observation. The only possible negative here is that it did cross my mind as I read whereas I didn't get that vibe off of Black's. Therefore his natural strength slightly out shined yours. Surely that's not enough to decide who had the better verse in this close of a match up.

Overall: I will say however, I don't quite see it being as close after reading it for the third time. Still EXTREMELY close, but I did come out with a pretty clear winner. I felt that Black's content outshined Brandon's and I like how he had a more compact flow throughout that allowed me to really concentrate on the main focus of his piece. Amazing match up, both of you. Wish I would have really put effort in in the first round so that I could have been up here with you guys. Best of luck to you both.

V/ Black

[Soule]

Black, this was a pretty dope piece. The flow and concept were my favorite elements. I felt that there were a few lines that were under the syllable count you had going on and threw the flow off a bit. But the idea was a nice approach on the topic. My thing with you is I'm still waiting to see something new from you man. Everything you write is dope, but it's nothing we haven't seen you do before. You know? Been the same thing for like three seasons. Waiting for a change, and a positive one at that. Dope read though bud. Especially the second stanza.

Brandon, this was also a really dope read. I really liked the first and last stanzas. So many quotable lines that just drill through my brainstem. Really liked the wording and flow in this piece. And I like your style because it's a lot like my own. So I can vibe with it more smoothly than I can others. The concept was pretty legit. And I feel you opened and closed it on a really dope note. Interesting approach as well. I'm relieve you both had a original take on the topic because I didn't like it lol. So no complaints about the pie e dude.

Both came dope, but I felt I vibes with bran dons just a little more. Dope job guys.