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Thread: Give me some feedback on this one...

  1. #1

    Give me some feedback on this one...

    Everytime i touch the mic you fuckas know my tracks are mean
    cuz i've been spitten gasoline
    since you've been fucked wit vasoline
    dramatically
    im deadly wit any gat you hand to me
    clap at your family
    then bounce like a trampoline
    randomly
    kickin frees and rippin emcees
    im similiar to wind cuz i can be felt but not seen
    you can find me in some baggy jeans and timbs on my feet
    drinkin brew and kickin frees wit my team in the street
    im tired of counterfeit emcees tellin me they spit heat
    cuz i can burn the devil wit the spit that rolls off my teeth
    believe
    im comin through and im crashin emcees
    smashin emcees
    bout to start a blood bath wit emcees
    im mad at emcees
    and i don't even really battle emcees
    its really not worth the breath or hassle to me
    im the illest rapper that you ever seen in your life time
    i freestyle better than you faggots can write rhymes
    im not in my right mind
    man! This is why im lashin out
    being on the radio is nothin you should brag about
    apple bottom jeans and all the faggot shit they rap about
    this is why im hott!! I'll smack mims in his faggot mouth

    holla!
    Last edited by Wize-Guy; December 18th, 2009 at 11:38 PM

  2. #2
    The Intel's Finest Raww-B's Avatar
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    Re: Give me some feedback on this one...

    1st, post two links proving you've given feedback, or this will be closed.
    2nd, your scheme is off, and its hurting your flow.
    i like the dissing at the end. those last 3 or 4 bars are hott.
    put more imagery in this, every1 seems to lack a mental envisioning.

    finally,
    feedback?
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...840/index.html

  3. #3

    Re: Give me some feedback on this one...

    i would like to know where my scheme is off if you could point that out.

  4. #4
    The Intel's Finest Raww-B's Avatar
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    Re: Give me some feedback on this one...

    right now i'm on ps3. i'll hit this up tomorrow and show ya.
    its not horible, just i noticed.

  5. #5
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
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    Re: Give me some feedback on this one...

    i think in parts the amount of aggressiveness drops kinda low compared to other parts.
    i really liked "i freestyle better than you faggots can write rhymes" i am not sure what about it i liked but i defiantly think it was the best line.

  6. #6
    You've earned a custom title! Cody Nash's Avatar
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    Re: Give me some feedback on this one...

    closed. like I said in your other thread. read the rules.

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