Semi-Finals: Daz vs Engivale

[Chris Black]

1. Check in By Wednesday
2. Post your verse by Friday
3. Vote in the other match
4. Don’t “up” your thread
5. Don’t ask for an extension. If you wont make it, let me know and I’ll get a replacement. If you don’t let me know you wont show, you may feel repercussions in later SS seasons/playoffs.

By don't "up," I'm talking about any post after your verse. Don't comment on the votes or any of that shit. This round everyone has to vote in everything, so there is also no need to post: "votes?" Last week I let shit slid, but you all will start being deducted votes. There should only be two posts by you in your thread; Your check-in and your verse. Period.

[Engivale]

check.

[Daz]

cash or credit?

[Engivale]

It's What She Wants...



She wants you watchin' American Idol & The Office,
She wants you watchin' Law & Order but not knowin' what the law is,
She wished you'd eat at Mickey D's and drink Coca Cola,
Watch Unsolved Mysteries then go to sleep when it's over.
She wants you to get married and have a mortgage
And have one kid you can't afford and thinkin' of havin' more kids.
She wants you to get two jobs like Lou Dobbs & die from stress
And if there's some other way --- why haven't we tried it yet?
She wants you to wonder what other people are thinking,
She wants you overeating & smoking and going to bed drinking,
She wants you to hate yourself and compensate by making wealth,
And thinking your headed North when your course is always aiming south...

It's the course that you follow
When you're forced to be hollow,
Your loss now is today's cost is tomorrow.
We're all led on a path
To live regretting our past,
And going through the motions pretending to laugh.
It's like this culture controls us
With hamburgers and cold cuts,
Fashion trends and Jags and Benzes they sold to us.
It's the music we listen to,
And our myspace descriptions, too,
It's this internet generation that has two faces and lives in two
.........Worlds at once........
We're comfortable in one and not the other ---
Because we'd rather not be face to face when we call eachother brother...
That's just the sad truth,
You're pissed and I'm mad, too,
If I could rap I'd do it live - but I'm online cuz I'm shy and I have to...
Being cocky's a role reversal,
I just pretend to be controversial,
I'd rather be Engivale, it'd be awful if we got more personal...

She wants you to drink and watch the game with the kids,
She wants you to think every day's not the same when it is...
She makes you try to impress the attractive people,
"Don't look at them, honey, they're ugly and bad and evil!"
She makes you think the system works for you and it's good,
When really it's you that works for it --- when it should -
........Work for you.....
She lets you think that you're fine,
And convinces you with the new clinical shrink that you find,
She thinks that we're blind, But it's not just that ---
We're deaf, dumb and crippled and we still cut back...
She has us fooled, we're all actors on stage,
And we follow the script every flip of the page.
She sold us Liberty, and we bought the procedure,
When we're what makes America - how do we beat her?



http://i37.tinypic.com/r1in1j.jpg

...She is my country... And she demands myself from me...




note: fixed

[Daz]

Non-Fiction; This is my life.

It's kinda like, she pierced through my darkness with blinding light
So I read between the lines of Webster's to define the sight
her pride was slight and every question's response was trite
Told me strength of character was built upon my might.
Got along iight, but in school I was surrounded with haters & goons
I shined because of her. she was my sun, I chose the way of the moon
Now dope can be weighed on a spoon but addiction is of the soul
My love interstates, I mean to say that it took a toll
It was foretold by the conversations, and trips that we had
That I'd climb the peak of our relationship to get a glimpse of her laugh
Memories past, she was a victim of kisses & hugs deferred
cuz how could she love a man when her father showed no love for her
I was perturbed. It seems she needed a lesson in worth
cupid laced his bow with my heartstring, and arrow'd my affection at her
Thought I could lessen her hurt, thought she was simply confused
She claimed it was completely her, said this isn't a ruse
Said she'd been burned by men so much it just lit the fuse
Of a reaction waiting to happen that would shift her views.
We pick & choose our decisions, but are we controlled by fate?
Why do we risk it all when we already know the stakes?
Maybe because we float on clouds of passion that blows away
I entered her life, but as for her heart, she closed the gates.
Not because some random man ripped off her clothes in rape
But because she dined with destiny and chose her plate.
I wished to expose those fakes, of men who break the heart of the meek
We all have a role. In my life she played the part of unique
Her outside hard as can be, I smoked to flush it away
I saw the world in black & white, meanwhile stuck in the Grey
She said I trust in your ways, I feel exactly the same
But heterosexuality is masochism. It's an attraction to pain
Can you imagine my shame?, I couldn't fathom her claims
How could we both have one track minds with lateral trains?
A wise man once told me insanity becomes foolish
Too much of the same thing and one becomes numb to it
See she was the type to overcome adversity rather then succumb to it
And I realized loving her was wishing bricks to become fluid.

a thousand sorry's cuz i'll never get to touch on your face
Or share in a tender moment while locked in a lovers embrace
That we'll never dance under the stars as I clutch on your waist
Or elevate to higher realms as we puff on the haze
I apologize for the assholes who took you on headspins
And that every path you chose with a man led to a dead end.
That your father wasn't around, but my mother bred men
And I'm sorry that your diamond heart became leaden
And I'm sorry that about the numbness because they weren't treating you right
But you will always be, a part of me, and own a piece of my life.

Insanity is doing the same thing over, expecting different results

The Numbness

Good Luck.

[SmokaJoka]

this is pretty fucking hard to judge honestly...I'd assume that's why no one has voted yet because it's a pretty good match...

Eng - I liked your topic approach...it wasn't like a big twist at the end, I pretty much expected it from the get go and I'm also assuming you didn't intend for it to be a twist...you spoke alot of truths about America...your rhymescheme wasn't as hot as you usually make it...which is actually a good thing in my opinion....sometimes I'd usually get caught up in your flow that I'd forget I was also trying to comprehend what I'm reading (see: last week)...good verse overall, you wasn't as subtle as you usually are, straight to the point and it was a fluid read...


Daz - interesting read...your rhymescheme was simple in the fact you rhymed alot of singular/smaller words but advanced in the fact you did it alot...as for the piece itself, it was emotional and easy to follow actually...which is refreshing to read a battle that both opponents posted something legible...your approach to the topic was sort of original...ending was pretty coo...overall not a bad read, kept me interested for the most part, I did have to re-read a few parts to better understand your story but nothing major...maybe like one or two lines


BreakDown
Originality - Engivale, slightly
RhymeScheme - Daz, slightly
Metaphor - Engivale
Emotion - Daz
Enjoyment - Engivale
Storyline - Daz



Egh...I gotta read these over again man, the way I have this going so far it's going to be a tie vote...I don't want to do that shit...I'll edit in the rest after I go over them once more

edit, ok...look over them and changed a couple things in my breakdown...still a tie...lmfao..I might have to do a breakdown of each verse bar by bar/paragraph by paragraph

alright, I've thought about it...and this is just from personal taste, but whether or not I enjoy a verse overshadows whether or not it had a storyline...even though I am a story writer, the reason I do stories is for the enjoyment of the reader...which I felt Eng had more of...and due to that...and only due to that do I think he took this battle...no lie, I kept going back in here back and forth all day today trying to think of how to vote on this because it's so hard to choose from...with that said

Vote - Engivale

[P. Mortuus]

Damn...good piece by both of you guys.

Anyhow,

Daz: Good storyline, rhymescheme was good and fluid so you using it for the whole piece made sense. I liked the language style, easy to get into and understand. What I like most was the ending to this piece man. Good work.

Engivale: Again a very good piece, like Daz's it was fluid and easy to read. Obviosuly yours wasn't a storyline piece, more of a concept with like clever lines in practically every line. Due to the meaning behind each line, it was amzing how you managed to make it legible yet still rhyming at the same time. Good work.

\/ Engivale, though there wasn't anything wrong with Daz's piece, Engivale's piece was more up my alley, what with the clever lines and such. Good work both.

[Chris Black]

Eng, I loved your piece. I don't know if it was meant to be a twist, but it surprised me a little. I was expecting it to be a shallow wife who bought into the America you portray, but it was America. Dope. I liked the first stanza even though your rhymes weren't up to your usual standard. I thought the content was 100% better than your usual standard and it was ill.

Your loss now is today's cost is tomorrow.

I think the second "is" must be a typo. Either that or I just don't get it.

The second verse was back to your usual rhyming ways.

.........Worlds at once........

I thought this threw the flow off. I didn't like it.

If I could rap I'd do it live - but I'm online cuz I'm shy and I have to...
Being cocky's a role reversal,
I just pretend to be controversial,
I'd rather be Engivale, it'd be awful if we got more personal...

That was golden. Definitely my favorite part. I love the more introspective personal shit more than the stories people make up.

........Work for you.....

Here this worked, even though it didn't in the earlier stanza.

The closer was illness. This is the best I've seen you.

--------------------

Daz, this, as well was dopeness. Unlike Eng, though, I don't think this is the best Ive seen from you. It still shits on the verses dropped these playoff, easily. I loved the emotion and the almost lingering heartbreak of the piece. It's like you start off on a sad note and everyone expect everything to go good, but then it doesn't. That cold truth is almost a twist in itself when compared to other pieces.

Memories past, she was a victim of kisses & hugs deferred
cuz how could she love a man when her father showed no love for her

This was the truth. I saw you use a line like this in WOP too though, so it didn't have the original sting. It's still worth noting.

I entered her life, but as for her heart, she closed the gates.
Not because some random man ripped off her clothes in rape
But because she dined with destiny and chose her plate.
I wished to expose those fakes, of men who break the heart of the meek
We all have a role. In my life she played the part of unique
Her outside hard as can be, I smoked to flush it away
I saw the world in black & white, meanwhile stuck in the Grey
She said I trust in your ways, I feel exactly the same
But heterosexuality is masochism. It's an attraction to pain

This is dope. You captured the feelings of someone in love with another and that other person being completely shut off and cold. I loved it. I don't know if you meant it to be a wordplay saying she played unique and later saying heterosexuality is masochism, hinting that she's closed off because she's lesbian. Hence, why it would lead me to see it as wordplay, seeing as how Nique is gay. Even if that's not what you were doing(I doubt it is), this was still dope.

There were a couple more points in yours that I thought could be reworded than in Eng's, but dope, none-the-less. This was the truth.

------------------------

I read both pieces once, then a second time to quote and break down. On the first read, I liked Eng's slightly more. On the second, as I read and broke down Daz's, it grew so much more on my and made this very hard. I love both pieces and this is a Legendary battle. Better than Me vs Daz in WOP. My vote will have to go to Eng though. Daz, you're still my favorite writer in SS, and fuck the bracket - when Eng wins this, you take second in the tourney in my mind. It's fucked that you ran up against Eng's best piece cause any other piece he's dropped, you'd have beaten, point blank.

Thak you both for being dope participants in SS and making this season bearable. You're both Legends.

Legendary Battle.

[Cody Nash]

I'll put a vote in here tonight guys... read both verses... I'll break it down later... gott'a go back to work... but fucking wow man...


aiight.. it's time I edit this vote in here...



Engivale, just fuckin' wow man... great read, it flowed awesome... the metaphors and lines were all equally crisp as fuck... you just came with THAT shit this week man... every line collided with the next making the read just soooo easy and fluid... shit flowed like water man, really... I have to say though that Daz slighted you on the rhyming though... I got through his a TAD BIT smoother... your concept imo though was a lot cooler... that picture easily made this piece even doper... it went well with what you were trying to say, the whole piece was just golden bruh... good read...


Daz, great fuckin' read as well man... you had some damn nice lines in there too, good quoteables... everything was just good... that line near the end about bricks becoming fluid was fucking golden... great metaphor man... that was just hitting home right there... I dunno... it was just really really damn good... the concept wasn't as good as eng's imo, but it was still a really great concept and the read was just BLAMO! I love me a good insanity piece, and this was a good one... one for the books man... that's FOR SURE!



both of you did so great... and this decision was hard...
I read these before I went to work today, and I've been thinking
about it off and on all day when I could, REALLY I HAVE...
sad right? you wrote good enough to make ME think about
RB when I wasn't even on RB... good job... lol...
but yeah, close as fuck... imo... it was a lot closer than some
in the thread made it out to be, like this is almost a coin toss
for me but I will be fair and I won't decide it that way...

based solely on the concept, because both of you wrote beautifully... I'm going to have to give it to Engivale... as far as everything else, TO ME, you guys tied on that shit... what a match... should have been the championship match in my opinion, because neither smoka or mariah have written anything of my knowledge that could've beaten what you two just wrote...



vote Engivale... great reads...
you get a yes from me for that legends thread.

[Daz]

thanks for the votes guys.