I'm lying here sobbing
on a solid wood floor
I cry to the heavens
please God no more.
I cry to myself regularly
almost every night
and struggle through every day
trying to make it right.
I push away my feelings
after every meal
crying, and screaming
just trying to feel.
I want to make the pain for once
instead of someone else
and by just doing that
this is where I've gotten myself.
The lowest place in my life
that I thought I could ever be
is right here where I am
I feel like this is it for me.
Will tomorrow be better
or will it drag on like today
will pain wash over me
or slowly fade away?
Will friends and family
finally be able to recognize
all the things I'm dealing with
the pain deep within my eyes?
I go back to my bedroom
get down on my knees
put my head down on my hands
and say someone help me please.
Now I'm back where I started
in my little room
I'm crying out to God
that the pain will be over soon.
I want death to come sometimes
yet I'm scared of it all the same
and if you're listening closely
in the silence you'll hear my pain.
