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Thread: Two sides of a Fight

  1. #1
    The Witness. Witty's Avatar
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    Two sides of a Fight

    This story is one of the up most importance
    So pay attention, and decide who is in the right
    As we look at Two sides of a fight


    The thin blade silently eased itself through
    Glinting in the over head light of the moon
    The thunder crashed above, the lightning struck
    As we see what happens when you run amuck
    The fearful prisoner glanced down in pain
    As the sparkling sword penetrated a vain
    How could his brain actually stay sane?
    His eyes filled with tears, his face grew old
    Revealing secrets………previously untold
    The cold reality, of what was about to unfold
    Stared straight into his face, but he couldn’t see it
    As the fire was eventually lit, I watched the crowd sit
    And laugh at his torture with satisfaction
    This was the time for drastic action

    So with a willing heart, he put himself to the test
    And attempted to save this man from certain death


    I pondered on what to do, for a minute or so
    While the fire continued to grow, I had to go
    Soon, or his life would be gone, I crept
    Across the lawn, behind the growing crowd
    The fire was really glowing now, I crept across
    The weathered rocks, determined to not have another loss
    To my movement, so I gathered up my men, I counted ten
    That would not be enough to take on all of them
    So I searched the crowd, for gullible souls and minds
    I offered them glory, if they help us through this time
    They, being stupid and young agreed on the spot
    The first shot, echoed in the air, fear filled this place
    the father’s of the new recruits, looked at them in disgrace
    The perverted minds of this common vulgar people
    Thought, that what they were doing was legal

    These men charged forward bravely to help a friend
    If they lose they will meet the same sticky end



    Hordes fight, while swords slice, and four lives
    Have already been lost, there will be more tonight
    I run up to the fire and quickly untie the captured
    man, He is free, now he must help us capture
    This evil land, that walks hand in hand
    With Satan himself, have these men come from hell?
    Well they’re going back now, I inhale the smell
    Of the smoke and the ashes, then rush in optimistically
    I kill a man, then I pay the ultimate penalty
    I look round, a man stands before with his sword raised
    He slices half my face, I run at a growing pace
    But he just won’t give up, he grabs my throat
    Begins to choke, me until blood stains my coat
    And my soul is tarnished, the end is here
    I look round in reverence and fear, as a tear
    Drips woefully down by shattered face
    My life is gone, I can not be saved, I search
    For men, they all are dead, I realise then
    That the man who has me captured, and is killing me
    Is one of the stupid young men, he laughs cynically

    So the mission was a failure, and the leader died
    But let’s have a look at the other side


    We were just having fun, a bit of a laugh
    Toasting this boy was just something to pass
    The time, so why did these idiots take it serious?
    I can’t understand, they must be delirious
    He walked to me, and offered me fortune and health
    Inside I thought ‘I would rather rot in hell’
    But I decided to join and proceed with my master plan
    The hand of the man, was either tanned,
    or dirty, I shook it fervently, and he began to demand
    What he wanted off me, so I pretended to agree
    Hoping he didn’t notice that I was gritting my teeth
    So we ran in, I did not kill, instead I followed him
    He untied the man, they ran, both of them covered in sin
    For they betrayed this town, ripped it limb from limb
    they killed all the women, they thought they were demons
    know they will feel the wrath, of this village's people.

    Now it’s easy to see that once ago they were friends
    But now there will be a bitter fight to the end


    I grabbed him hard and proceeded to suffocate him
    I don’t think he could understand what I was saying
    He was in pain, after I mauled half his face
    He looked up from the ground in distaste
    He knew know that he had been betrayed

    So who is in the right? What is your opinion?
    What side should be known as the devil’s minions?
    Last edited by Witty; May 20th, 2006 at 07:54 AM

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  2. #2
    The Witness. Witty's Avatar
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    Last edited by Witty; May 20th, 2006 at 06:49 AM

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  3. #3
    The Witness. Witty's Avatar
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    upping

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  4. #4
    The Witness. Witty's Avatar
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    please don't sleep on this

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  5. #5
    BRB, Jumping Ship Baron Mynd's Avatar
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    Okay,
    You actually arent a bad writer - and seeing as you're only fifthteen, this was very impressive. You have a really descriptive quality to your drops, which will help a lot as you progress in terms of the imagery needed when conveying topical pieces. What you do need to work on though is your rhyme-schemes and multies, because those will improve your pieces ten fold. Seriously. You`re another kid with potential, and another who could potentially make an impact on the board, but whether you choose to do it or not is on you. If you knuckle down, read up on multies and rhyme scheme (There are tutorials up in the Help forum ..), and work at it - you'll become a great writer. Ive no reservations about that. The potential's evident here, I thought you did a great job with this piece man, and love how you rounded this up with a question posed at the reader to decide what they'd do. It was a nice twist, something refreshing. Originality is always welcomed here! Stick around, join the SS league if you havent already.

    Mucho props.

    WORD P e r f e c t !


    RESERVOIR GODS


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  6. #6
    The Witness. Witty's Avatar
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    thanks for the positive feed,it's appreciated and advice will be used

    I don't think I'm ready to join SS yet tho

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  7. #7
    The Witness. Witty's Avatar
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    ooping

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  8. #8
    The Witness. Witty's Avatar
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    Grrr...... upping

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  9. #9
    The Witness. Witty's Avatar
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    word

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  10. #10
    The Witness. Witty's Avatar
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    yep

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  11. #11
    The Witness. Witty's Avatar
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    come on you lazy slut bags

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