Thanks ma....
i really appreciate it!.
PM me girl!.
Thanks ma....
i really appreciate it!.
PM me girl!.
Open Mic
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Written Voices
ayo if you get a chance drop some feed on this
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=291398
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i liked this nice done better then alot of drops in here
imagery was good put alot emotion into words
but the use of of multies and bsic writting ielement could of been worked on
look forword to see ur next drop
^^
word thanks man!...
sure thing!
Open Mic
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Written Voices
You have some issues to work through. The emotive projection being one, since this should have been more heartfelt than it was. Conceptually, the take here was not as original as we would like to see. Word choice I felt lacked the most though, you had some very awkward areas which hurt the diction and made for a less than fluid read. In certain areas words felt forced and could have been replaced with a better choice.
Story line was ok, not very developed or too original. I think you have the right idea, but with work and time your use of all components will improve. Imagery would have been aided by better diction, so work on your discriptions a bit. You had multies and what not but you didn't use them to your full advantage, they are meant to give fluid transitions and help the piece as far as meter goes. In this case they had a stuttered feel by not being placed properly in some lines.
The good, you have the basic idea down, you showed some signs of complexity and even metaphors. Poetic style also cocmes to mind. The voice just doesn't stand out yet, but i think with time it will come through. Potential...
[YOUTUBE]Av7yOXafS40?hd=1[/YOUTUBE]
"World Class War" Official Music Video
We can use all the views we can get, please support the Father/Daughter movement in hip hop. Do us a favor and post on your Facebook walls and such. Thank you
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^^
thanks man
THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT AND MOST LIKED FEED!.
he broke the shit down and told me my pros and cons
plus he a VET and the high lord in TOPICALS...so
thanks bounce!
Open Mic
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Written Voices
I'm nothing of the such, there are many great writters on the site. The term vet is used too loosely around here.
watch things like that 'burn sensation' in your lines. minor shit like that canmake a dope line read not so dope. i know you mean burning, but when someone is reading they dont always plug in the correction. We all do this, but in certian line it can be the difference between good and dope...
[YOUTUBE]Av7yOXafS40?hd=1[/YOUTUBE]
"World Class War" Official Music Video
We can use all the views we can get, please support the Father/Daughter movement in hip hop. Do us a favor and post on your Facebook walls and such. Thank you
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^^
understood its just some people dont really read it.
some dont even pay attention to the shit that you EVEN mentioned...
but ey. thanks for the advice bounce!
Open Mic
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Written Voices
lets go people UPPING THIS JOINT!..
lets go
Open Mic
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Written Voices
There was a good use of vocab in some spots... but some of the rhymes seemed somewhat basic. The emotion was expressed good and the structure was decent.
This was one of my favorite lines. Stay up homieAs I await the answer…I feel a burn Sensation.
Eye’s tearing down my gentle face to a rippled declaration.
I'm not back...I'm simply bored out of my mind.
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^^
wordness
thanks fam lets go people upping this!
Open Mic
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Written Voices
This was pretty good, the multies were there adn the flow went good as well. I liked the vocab, the vocab was good and added emphasis to every line of your work. However, there were some awkard words that need sorting. But you'll get that with experiene, no problems
Not to bad man, piece had potential. I had a hard time in the begining actually picking up on the direction of the piece, seemed like alot of random decisions thrown together with no particular one being more important than the other... But as it went on your concept became more clear. Uuum, flow was pretty decent, alittle stop and go at times but overall pretty nice. Structure was good, nice steady moderate lengths, glad to see that cuz Im so tired of reading lines that go from page end to page end. So ya, overall this was a decent piece, you've got some work and some honing to do with your writing but you show potential with this piece. Stay up man.
I'd apreciate it if you could reply to the Abstanti collab:
"Poemicoriginate"
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=291509
po'ethics /
abstanticollective.
^^
i got you homes!.
thanks for the feeed lets go people uppping!
Open Mic
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Written Voices
this was pretty good dude overall.the emotion was avereage could of been a bit better, the imagagery i felt showed great expresson and painted a picture of what is happening in the piece, the vocab was average, nice decent structure in this man overall i thought this was pretty solid nice drop...
^^^^
Werd....Keep this type of drop commin O-M needs you.....
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