Hello......Im Osirus....

Osirus · March 21st, 2004, 08:41 AM

yo.....

when the clock ticks, my diagnostics demolish shit...
heartless, spark the arsenic and char the hostages quick...
an arsonist, sparrin equipped, u aint an artist, bitch...
ya softer then shit, hardest?...u think of sausage and spit...
cartlidge ripped, a sargent grip armed to target kids...
from a parked whip, tar ya carcuss then market the rims...
hard?...farthest from it, you into bizzare shit like harnesses...
pinned to starvin kids so they can sumbit to a bar and whip...
retarded prick, ya garbage regardless of who u bit....
useless hits, abusive to music, ruthless with two clips....
indusin to bits, usin the blitz to make u loose ya fluid...
u new to this shit, influenced by the views of the stupid...

I'm through with this shit....

Osirus · March 21st, 2004, 08:42 AM

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=120659

my links

Osirus · March 21st, 2004, 09:25 AM

uppppppppppppp

¤ƒrêsh¤ · March 21st, 2004, 09:51 AM

You went off topic through out this piece...

when the clock ticks, my diagnostics demolish shit...
heartless, spark the arsenic and char the hostages quick...

Thats the first line.. Talkin bout ya diagnostics and how they demolish shit.. And how your heartless and you will char the hostages quick..

indusin to bits, usin the blitz to make u loose ya fluid...
u new to this shit, influenced by the views of the stupid...

Now on the last line its like your makin fun of someone.. But this song is about you, and glorifying yourself.. Or is it? Kinda hard to tell when you go off topic like that.. Pick an original topic and stay on it..

You had some ok multies.. Flow was chunky at parts.. Structure ok, everything needs a little work.. Keep elevatin..

Peace.

**Mag...** · March 21st, 2004, 01:49 PM

welcome to rb man...

Not bad for a little battle spit... but most of the concepts are played... you can do better im sure...your metaphors were weak... improve them and try to use more of them... and...

like fresh mentioned... stay on topic... don't get caught up spitting random fused together lines... doesn't matter how good your multis and internal rhyme scheme is... if it don't make a lick of sense... or matter to anyone...

keep it up and peep my stuff... im sure you'll learn something...

**absolutezero** · March 21st, 2004, 02:09 PM

this right here waz a good spit good flow needs sum work but over all it waz good keep it up and do good holla.

spit bac at this cha heard
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=120586

**Godfather(2)** · March 21st, 2004, 02:34 PM

this was an iight spit i was feeling the very beinning too kept the good work up

return the favor
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...oto=nextoldest

Osirus · March 21st, 2004, 03:15 PM

cool yo...

its nothing much..

its just a toungue twisting kind of thing..

kind of rushed..

thx for the feedback tho..

peace
one

**Endeva.** · March 21st, 2004, 04:38 PM

good flow and scheme.. it carried decent, but im sick of these sorta things.... im OM your better off folowing a topic, not this....do something different with the same sorta rhyming... then it should be good....