My Chains

My Chains

http://www.soxfirst.com/50226711/chains.jpeg

One million,
One million and one -
These steel links
bind into one like
a united country.
All for the same;
except the outcast,
which these few cast
of steel remain lost...
Still strong, but un-united.
Unique in their own way,
weakening every day -
as they lay...
Cold,
lifeless,
broken...
on the earth where -
conflicts of the same
happen without chains.
And therefore the
burden of weight lightens,
I continue my count...
One million and one,
one million...

..Chains are strongest
when they're united..
isn't that ironic.

this poem was decent but you've done better before.
So I thought it was very simplistic. But in someway
I found alot of emotion released. Like intense to a
certain extent. Overall it was worth the read and I
enjoyed it, too... Just feels like it needs a touch up
somewhere.... Like it has a missing link.... Just keep
writing and keeping up the good work, bro.. Thanks.

thanks to you.. uppin.. i'll get links eventually

Ah this was cool my dude, I don't remember much of your writing from before you left but this was smooth criminal, Jon... Uh, the flow was pretty nice, rhyming was pretty basic, a nice l ittle piece but nothing pretty extravagant and special. Good job on this one, look forwawrd to your entree in poetry.

thanks a lot.. i'm trying to get into it more..

Nice, i haven't read your stuff in a while so its good to see you writing poetry again... this piece was simple but effective, tonally fitting and the voice you used was strong enough to carry the piece emotionally and creative wise... i actually feel you've got better since you stopped writing poetry! lol... which is kind of odd... maybe you've been reading more pieces or something and getting tips... but non the less this was a cool littrle piece, look forward to reading more from you again

Return it.

will do.

Not a bad drop but a bit simple. I understood where you
were coming from. It had deep emotion. But maybe
one day i'll read something longer from you..