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Think Before You Speak
Think Before You Speak
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at times I find that I hide from my mind, doctors think its depression
gettin high from lines that try sliding my spine, often bringing regression
...
it isn’t a question my life is in questions - on a quest for the truth
seeking the meaning of being a being – ‘n I wont rest till I do
mean while these vessels of blue, pump a flow to control my mood
its like my veins send out waves, the way my blood flows through a tube
‘n the crowds found in senses i use, where hatred from pain reigns
I feel my feelings building, but I lock it away, ‘n maintain a caged rage
men’s mentalities change confiding the truth trying to hide from abuse
that our society’ll use to bash a cats culture, like rhymes and a booth
so now my mind has to choose... do I fight for our youth
soon to use a mic just to describe us their blues
or set aside what is true out of spite that I’ll lose
‘n let those faggots bash us, with what they write in the news
...
“two more lives were consumed, by this guy who’s named snoop
when his fan base demand they need some ‘ice’ ‘n some booze
now we’re live with the clues why cops’d fired onto
two little kids, lying, who died all to soon
there parents’re aware of the music they ‘grooved’, ‘n by hype from the tunes
they were gunned down over diamonds ‘n jewels...channel 2, live, its your news”
...
that’s the last bit, the shit that’s fired my fuse, kids I’ll fight for our youth
‘n despise all you fools, blind by the roots, so soon to defined us ‘a crude’
my moods got me dying to prove, you’re just denying the truth
we could fly to the moon, you’d still imply it’s our moves that drive all these goons
to bang with a vest that hangs over their chest, so I’ll put to rest all these questions
what we speak ‘n bring is a means of art – our hearts expressing expressions
so before you start with your lessons, suggestions...think before you speak
cause much more of this shit ‘n you’re gonna see a demon unleashed through me
‘n it’ll take interest in seein you bleed, making you breathe in between ya screams
you’ve never dreamed of such an evil being, that’ll leave you seen w/ a murder scene
so concerning me, keep my name outta ya mouth, ‘n what my cultures about
because yo, I wont think twice towards going out to run down to ya house
...
while I get high from lines sliding my spine, often bringing regression
at times I find that I hide from my mind, ‘n doctors think its depression
.
sss, stupid mother fuckers...
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meh. this was hella nice.. but it'd be a lot more appealing to the eyes if your structure wasn't like that. it looks weird with just one word on a line.
back with real feed..
i liked the message of this piece jay. good idea for a topic. anyway, yeah.. some of the lines were a little stretched but the multis and internal rhymes made up for that. i'll show you some of my favorite lines.
it isn’t a question my life is in questions - on a quest for the truth
seeking the meaning of being a being – ‘n I wont rest till I do
‘n the crowds found in senses i use, where hatred from pain reigns
I feel my feelings building, but I lock it away, ‘n maintain a caged rage
or set aside what is true out of spite that I’ll lose
‘n let those faggots bash us, with what they write in the news
those lines were pretty cool man. i liked the last one especially for some reason.. i guess because of the truth to it.
“two more lives were consumed, by this guy who’s named snoop
when his fan base demand they need some ‘ice’ ‘n some booze
now we’re live with the clues why cops’d fired onto
two little kids, lying, who died all to soon
there parents’re aware of the music they ‘grooved’, ‘n by hype from the tunes
they were gunned down over diamonds ‘n jewels...channel 2, live, its your news”
that was a nice section right there. i liked the idea of a news broadcast, got me more interested.
my moods got me dying to prove, you’re just denying the truth
we could fly to the moon, you’d still imply it’s our moves that drive all these goons
so concerning me, keep my name outta ya mouth, ‘n what my cultures about
because yo, I wont think twice towards going out to run down to ya house
while I get high from lines sliding my spine, often bringing regression
at times I find that I hide from my mind, ‘n doctors think its depression
very nice way to close it, twisting the opener. cool lines.
anyway, yeah.. this was a good overall drop man. i think it woulda been better still if your lines had been shorter and able to fit on just one line. either way, i enjoyed the read and the overall message sent to the reader in this verse. good shit, stay up dawg. peace.
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*takes your advice* thanks dude. :thumbup:
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This was a good piece, the flow was on point all through the piece which i always respect cause a lot of the guys on here seem to just do a couple of decent flows and then write basic shit for most of the verse.
The concept was original, you put good emotion and questions in the rhymes so that stood out to me also.
Your vocab and wordplay was very strong in this piece so you was able to write some great imagery. I couldnt hate on nothing in this piece except maybe just shorten up the bars a tiny bit, im not really bothered about structure as long as the rhymes are dope, and your were.
Return the feed please:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=210894
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its very frustrating to see heads like route 1, or slick, get more replies than this piece...COULD I PLEASE GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING FEEDBACK GOD DAMNIT!!!
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the stucture could use work ya know, the flow isn't bad but it could be a lot better to make this seem more like a decent piece well this is a decent piece im feelin it the imagery is very good i like how you have a lil hook thing on it, i forget what there called when you write poetry but anyway good job with that the emotion is good the vocabulary could be a little but better but to be honest i like this cuz you have a very good imagery.
rtf here http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=211112
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I liked this. artistically you came with it, needed some word on wording, but all in all a good read...
keep it coming.
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thanks. any more advice sonny sons?
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This was a nice and this piece was obviously nice and took time......I appreciate great work like this and i think you should keep writing
Until then vote for this
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=202886
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go piece I give it an 9/10.....really enjoyed it and it came along with strong imagery....it's like i was really there....shit was cool....keep dropping Jay Walker...peace.
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this wuz real tite...def feelin it
while I get high from lines sliding my spine, often bringing regression
at times I find that I hide from my mind, ‘n doctors think its depression
^^HOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOT HOT!!!!!!!!!!!!HOT!!!!!!!! lol syk
it isn’t a question my life is in questions - on a quest for the truth
seeking the meaning of being a being – ‘n I wont rest till I do
there parents’re aware of the music they ‘grooved’, ‘n by hype from the tunes
they were gunned down over diamonds ‘n jewels...channel 2, live, its your news
this shit wuz the TRUTH...and i like the lines centered/italics in this type of verse